anghara: (Default)
You think I'm kidding?

Here's a direct quote:

"...a specialized squad of mercenary sniper rabbits duking it out in the desert with turban-clad camels. Don’t be fooled by the cute-and-fluffy tail action—these bunnies are killing machines."

Here's the trailer for the animated series (it's Japanese, of course) complete with English subtitles:



Warning: put away liquid beverages BEFORE you really find out the name of the series...
anghara: (Default)
If you mouse over the SFnal "headlines" on this site it will give you what the original headline was. It's pretty damned cool!
anghara: (Default)
From a garment-care tag acquired god-knows-when and recently unearthed in the post-project desk excavation - I figured I needed to share -

FRONT

it says LIAN LIN, and MADE IN CHINA

so far, so good

here's where the fun starts

BACK (and I quote verbatim, spelling syntax and all, with the exception of the garment care symbols which I cannot reproduce here)

Qualified certificate

Composition: personslk 70%, 30% nylan

Composition: An etc: Article

1. An expert hand washes, dry cleaning

2. can't use to contain lvb bleach

3. Doing not want the pubasks

4. The low temperature yunis very hot

Place: Manufacturing in China


Inquiring minds want to know what a yunis is, and whether it should be hot or cold, and what pubasks have to do with soaking the garment (presumably one shouldn't do it in beer) and why the garment can't be used to contain bleach...

Sorry. Had to throw that out there. Before I finally discard the funny label itself.
anghara: (Default)
For all of us who suffer from procrastinitis. Look here, ladies and gentlemen, it's been codified.

I always knew there had to be a scientific method to procrastinating professionally...

"Mailbox!"

Jul. 24th, 2008 12:24 pm
anghara: (Default)
Gacked from [livejournal.com profile] coffeem - THIS is seriously funny...
anghara: (Default)
So - would YOU murder your parents and expect to get let off by a sympathetic jury if they saddled you with a name like Keenan Got Lucky?....(Or other horrors...?)
anghara: (coffee beans)
- there's a Middle Eastern/Mediterranean outfit around here where I live which has now taken to offering cooking lessons. It's something I might give a whirl sometime - learning how to cook different and exotic things is always fun - but those of you who know me in RL do realise that cooking is low on my list of priorities, as it were, so this is way way wayyyy down the line after twenty seven thousand and forty three other things I'd like to "do sometime".

So, you might wonder, why am I blogging this particular non-essential potential activity?

Well, because the flyer I picked up for it tickled my funnybone.

You see, it's a kind of a social event as well as a how-to thang. And at the conclusion of the meal preparation (and perhaps the consuming of same) the leaflet informs the potentially interested parties that...

...A desert with Lebanese coffee will be served.

Start up your camels.
anghara: (Default)
Well, now. There's a review of "Embers of Heaven" by yours truly on this site

The reviewer calls the book "beautifully written" and "absorbing", and highly recommends it.

She gets the name of my heroine right, and even spells it correctly.

However, we then run into a lot of trouble almost immediately. )

Don't get me wrong. I love getting my work praised.

But not when it's *someone else's book*...

We can haz Japan...? Or China? Or a mystical land called Syai?

Something?...

Spam fun

Jun. 14th, 2008 03:27 pm
anghara: (Default)
Here's one for your amusement:

To: undisclosed-recipients:;
Subject: Att,
From: peterwongk@tiscali.cz
Date: Sun, 15 Jun 2008 00:25:40 +0200

Att,

I am peter-wong from Bank hang seng hong kong, I have a late client funds
of $8 USD in my bank and i need you to front as beneficiary,if interested
contact me for more details on Email:peter_wong016@yahoo.com.hk



Eight dollars? EIGHT DOLLARS? How magnanimous of him. And not only that, this thing isn't aimed - even just nominally, with my own name in the To: field - at me. It's broad aim scattershot - to "undisclosed recipients". Just how many people do you expect me to share those eight bucks WITH, buster?

(And I just love that first email address coming from the Czech Republic, but you're to contact him at yahoo.com at Hong Kong (I suppose to make it seem a tad more legit for those who aren't very observant about email headers...)

Do these people ever stop to THINK?
anghara: (I pass the test)
The venerable London Times has an article about the dumbest questions ever asked of students taking any number of British qualifications, from high school to tech qualifications or the graduating exams for hoity-toity Oxford colleges. I'm not sure how long that link is going to stay up, but here a handful of favourites:


National Curriculum Shakespeare tests for 14-year-olds, 2003.

“In Twelfth Night, Malvolio does not like people to have fun and enjoy themselves. Imagine you are a modern-day Malvolio, in charge of preventing any sort of fun or enjoyment at your school.

You are going to talk in assembly about why three of the following things should not be allowed in school: chips in the canteen, jokes, smiling, pupils enjoying their work, singing/music, games/sports.

Write what you are going to say in assembly.”

[What moron thought this one up? Write a treatise on why you would ban pupils from enjoying their work? I mean... what?!?]


Leeds University first year French exams, late 1980s to early 1990s.

“Set, write and mark your own question on any aspect of the course.”

[If you can do this, why bother sitting the damned exam? Aren't you, um, QUALIFIED already?...]


GCSE Information Computer Technology, 2008

Last week, a disgruntled GCSE pupil tipped off PC Pro magazine to some apparently ridiculous exam questions. The magazine had a go and were left stumped by vague questions and multiple choices with numerous correct answers. AQA, who set the test, insisted it was up to scratch.

But PC Pro thought otherwise, noting that one question displays five records from a database and asks "How many records are shown in this database table?".

"It's a test of whether you can count to five," quipped a staff member taking the test.

[No kidding. Count to five and you can write your very own database from scratch. No, REALLY.]


They asked readers to contribute their own weird and wonderful exam questions. This one (from someone named Laura in Washington DC) is my favourite, hands down:


On a final exam for a Buddhist theology class: "I am sitting at my desk. In front of me, I see a pad of paper and a pen. To my left is a desklamp, and to my right is a cup of coffee. I finish my coffee and upend the cup to trap a fly that has been bothering me. Explain the nature of the coffee cup."


[livejournal.com profile] charlieallery, were they channelling that damned story you read at Wiscon this year?
anghara: (Default)
Try some of these on for size... (The commentary below each, er, work of art, is priceless in itself...)
anghara: (Default)
Well, at least into your playground, anyway.

I couldn't, um, bear not to share this...
anghara: (Default)
I don't know WHY I got it, because I am neither an avid gardener who has a footprint somewhere and a reputation of demanding odd gardening solutions, nor an owner of exotic menageries which require equally exotic, um, menus - but the catalogue was vastly entertaining anyway. I just have to share some of the items on offer with you.

First, the "I can haz magic garden" department:

* LIVE LADYBUGS! shipped in the adult stage, with each adult guaranteed to consume about 5000 aphids. You get about 4500 ladybugs per shipment, for a small garden, and up to 70 000 of hte critters for one acre (and extra ladybugs are shipped with each order to account for mortality). And then it gets really interesting, apparently - from the catalogue copy: "WIthin 8 to 10 days of release each female ladybug lays 10 - 50 eggs daily on the underside of leaves. The larvae emerge in 2-5 days... and eat up to 60 aphids per day. After 21 days they pupate and the adults emerge in 2-5 days, completing the cycle. ...If not released immediately, you may store ladybugs for 1 - 3 weeks at 35-45 F."

It does not say how many of the original 4500 - 70 000 ladybugs you receive are female, but let's say half of them are, just for calculation purposes. So you now release between 2250 and 35 000 lady ladybugs into your garden. The catalogue does not say what their lifespan is, but they each lay 10 - 50 eggs DAILY within a week of release. Let's work with 10 000 ladybugs laying like crazy, giving 25 eggs each. That's 25 000 eggs a DAY. These eggs hatch and then pupate and then emerge as egg-laying adults within the space of about a month (and presumably while the first batch of 25000 eggs are marinading, the original adults are laying more...

I am running out of fingers but HOW MANY HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF LADYBUGS AM I GOING TO HAVE AT THE END OF THIS?...

(And.... waitaminit...I am supposed to be able to store LIVE INSECTS in my FRIDGE for a bit if I'm not quite ready to release them...?)


*PRAYING MANTIDS shipped in egg cases each of which will produce about 200 baby mantids. You're supposed to distribute these cases over your yard (not on the ground, because the ants get 'em) and wait for the voracious little bugs to come out and start munching. They can also be hatched inside a paper bag kept in a warm place, apparently, but you have to be careful with this scenario - from the catalogue copy: "After they hatch [in the paper bag] they need to be released before they eat each other!!" (Yes, THEY have two exclamation points)

If you have fruit trees, you can pick the

*APPLE MAGGOT LURE, which you hang on an APPLE MAGGOT TRAP to catch up to 20 times the maggots you catch with the sphere alone (I am thinking ahead to the point where these traps are, er, full of their intended prey and kind of writhing on the tree...)

For general gardening, you can purchase a 10-pound bag of BAT GUANO for about forty bucks and change, and if that seems a bit pricey as an on-going investment, earlier on in the catalogue there's the option of buying an ATTIC CEDAR BAT HOUSE for sixty-odd dollars, and attract your own producers of bat guano (and having had bats at one of my houses in Africa, I can tell you, bats sure do produce guano. In QUANTITY.) The cute little "bat guest house" comes with "...instructions, bat information, and a little bat guano to get started." And for the really enthusiastic, there is FOSSILIZED BAT GUANO (do fossilised bats still produce guano...?) which you can only get in a single quantity, 2100 pounds, for $1280.

Well, if we're done with the garden, let's move on to the pet store department. Aside from the not unexpected crop of flea collars and shampoos (although the "ALOE HERB OIL SHAMPOO FOR DARK COATS", a "natural dark coat color enhancer" (brunette dogs, rejoice) did catch my eye), it would seem that my life has been rendered rather less interesting by my never owning creatures more exotic than cats or dogs. There's a section of the catalogue entitled "Delectables", for birds and reptiles and such. Let me share a few:

*WIGGLERS-TINY WIGGLERS (LIVE) AND WIGGLER TEMPURA (DRIED) - "dried wigglers resemble dried coconuts and are a nourishng crunchy snack for your pets". Live wrigglers are "Ready to eat upon arrival. To delay pupation, rinse the larvae with lukewarm water and strain with a fine sieve. When refrigerated, larvae will remain viable for up to two weeks. When ready to use, warm Wigglers to room temperature and place in a feeding receptacle that is at least one inch deep". (WHy am I suddenly channeling Klingons...?)

* COCOON CAPERS LIVE AND DRIED - "fly pupae that you may receive freeze-dried or live".

*TINY WASP SURPRISE - LIVE (I"m particularly fond of this one...) - "shipped as parasitized fly pupae and contained in a paper bag. The wasps emerge upon arrival or shortly thereafter". (Bright inssects. They somehow know when they have "arrived"...)

*FLY DELIGHT - "100% natural house flies raised under optimal conditions". The mind, it boggles at the thought of what the "optimal conditions" might be and what happens if these things get loose.

*COMBO CUISINE - DRIED - special blend of all the dried fly stages - larve, pupae and adults - uh - I am so glad the specify the "dried" and even then I kind of have this morbid fascination at the thought of all these generations tossed into the freeze dryer all together.... it's kind of cataclysmic, if you think about the whole thing from the poor fly's POV. These big galumphing bipedal monsters, first they raise us under optimal conditions and then they msss-murder us all...

*CRUNCHY DRIED CRICKETS - and I'm suddenly back in Monty Python land with an outraged voice calling out "LARK'S vomit?!?" in the background (afficionados will recall that another chocolate delicacy was "crunchy frog"...)

Look I'm sure some of you out there HAVE critters that eat these things, and you probably think this is all old hat. But with me it was alternately laughing out loud (at the NAMES of these things!) or going "Ewwww!" when I realised what was in them. Feeding some critter Fly Delight would probably make me lose MY lunch...

Oh, and finally, in the book section, with a gold sticker annoncing "A perfect gift!" we have a book called... "Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation" - according to the blurb, "A hilarious view into the private lives of bugs. You will learn about necrophilia, virgin births, eating your mate's head, male pregnancy and more!!" (yes, they do like their multiple exclamation pooints...) And here's more: "In an advice column format (the bugs write in) "Dr Tatiana" delivers tongue-in-cheek advice that educates while it makes you laugh out loud."

I may have to get this one.
anghara: (Default)
Oh, dear Lord. I'm still giggling.

A "Treknobabble" site which will give any Trek fan silly fits. Go, look, laugh.
anghara: (Default)
You can view these as a slide show, by clicking on the top right of this page. Some of them are laugh-out-loud funny, they range from the bizarre to a true jaw-dropping hyper-WTF-factor, some of them are just... Japanese.

I don't know if I should be vaguely disturbed at the apparent lemming-like penchant of stick figure people to fall off the edges of things, or to simply nod sagely when little more than a stick-hand and a ski-pole are visible in a mound of burying avalanche-like stuff and a sign that announces "Nordic Ski Trail Ends Here" (you don't say...). Oh, and bicycles are lethal, too, apparently (just what on God's Green Earth is a "hazardous bridge", anyway?)

There are a startling number of these things.

I don't know I should be starting to get really worried, here.
anghara: (Default)
Many of us who wrestle words for a living know the perils of ye olde "search and replace" gambit. My favourite apocryphal story is of the hapless writer who wished to change the name of his protagonist from David to Derek and did a global MS search-and-replace on the two names... which ended up with him being called, amidst much guffawing, to explain the alternate-universe masterpiece of Michaelangelo's Derek. One of my own recent snicker-worthy examples was replacing "Tina" as a character name, seeing as the story she featured in already had several characters whose names began with a T and my editor thought it might be a good idea not to tempt fate. So - just to keep it close to my original vision - I changed her name to Kristin.

And got laughed at mercilessly when [livejournal.com profile] rdeck,who was helping me proofread, pointed to an abomination of a word which read "desKristintion"... which used to be a perfectly good desTINAtion in a previous incarnation.

Now, via [livejournal.com profile] jaylake, there's this.

You just have to love the idea of tens of thousands of worker bees commanded by Queen Elizabeth...

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