anghara

Well here's a reprise - The Cat On The Wrong Side Of The Door.

Hey, matociquala, don't show this one to the Presumptuous Cat...

...this is for you...

(with the appropriate nod to matociquala, whose cat conversations were an inspiration, what can I say?... [grin])

The yearly vet visit to check up on the munchkins arrived today. Here's a summary of the span of a couple of hours, in three acts.

Act I: The Herding of Cats

The cat carrier has been sitting in rdeck's office for a week now, so that Cat A and Cat B can get used to its presence and not get freaked out about it. Their vet appointment is at 3 PM today. At about 2 PM, I shut the door to the office (which already contains Cat A) and go and grab up Cat B, as well as a selection of bribes - dried catnip, and cat treats.

I deposit Cat B on the floor, and sprinkle a dash of dried catnip into the carrier.

Cat B: CATNIP!!! (dives into carrier, gets stuck half in half out - I help the back paws along. He's in. rdeck takes up sentry duty on the carrier flap.

Cat A: Eh? What's up?

I gather up Cat A and begin to carry her towards carrier.

Cat A: AAAIIEEE! No! No no no! Put - Me - Down!

She wriggles, I lose my grip, the cat skedaddles behind the office chair.

Cat B (from inside carrier): CATNIIIIIP!... eh? eh? whuh? what? where am I?

Me: Heeeere kitty kitty kitty! (offering treats to Cat A)

Cat A (eyeing the treats - which she ordinarily loves - warily): You think I'm dumb or something...?

Cat B (puzzled but interested): Where are we going? And why am I in this handbasket?

I make a grab for Cat A, she eels out of the way. I skitter around the far side of the chair and catch her as she comes shooting past.

Cat A (struggling): AAAIIEEEEEE!

Cat B (from inside carrier): Eh? WHuh? What?

I try to stuff Cat A into carrier. Cat A attaches her front left foot to the edge of the zip in such wise that to pursue the manuever might mean a dislocated paw. I haul her off, holding on tight.

Cat A: MONKEY! Stop that this instant! Put - Me - Down!

Me: Not bloody likely, sweetcheeks. In you go!

I fold the cat up over her stomach, and stuff her into the carrier upside down with all four paws in the air.

rdeck swiftly zips the carrier closed.

Both cats: !!!!!

I'm panting, but this took less time than usual, less time than I anticipated or allowed for, so we get on the road earlier than I thought we would.

In the car:

Cat A (soprano): Mwoaaaaawr! (=poor pitiful pitiful me! I've been abducted!!!)
Cat B (baritone): MAAAAAAOOOOOO.... (=where am I? why am I here? where am I going?)


Act II: The Vet Attacks

We're way too early but they let us wait inside one of the examination rooms. We open the carrier - Cat A is doing an impersonation of cat-in-the-box, popping up snout out of the carrier, eyes wide and green.

Cat A: Smells! Smells funny! Doesn't look like home! [winces at sudden sound] Noises! Noises not like home! Interesting! Where am I?

Cat B is cowering in utter dejected silence in the corner of the carrier.

I take Cat B out and wrap my arms around him, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Cat A continues to be Interested.

Vet Assistant (VA) comes in.

VA: Okay, let me have them one at a time so I can weigh them.

Takes Cat B, who hangs in her arms limply, his face a mask of consternation.

Cat B: Moooommmmyyyy!

Cat A (pops head out of carrier): Where he going?

VA returns with Cat B and scoops up Cat A, whose face isn't so much consternation as affronted astonishment.

Cat A: HEY! I don't let my OWN monkeys pick me up! Put - Me - Down!

Cat B (in my arms): Whimper...

Vet finally arrives, looks into their mouths ("WONDERFUL teeth!"), their eyes ("GREAT optical nerve!"), their ears ("All clear!")

They both get their vaccines poked into their haunches.

Vet: They're just perfect.

Me (proudly): I know.

Vet (looking at my sweatshirt, where I'm currently wearing enough hair to make a whole another cat): would you like a lint roller?...


Act III: Coming Home

rdeck to cats, on the way home: Not a peep out of you! Did the vet give you a sedative along with your vaccines?...

We arrive home - in utter silence - and I take the carrier inside, and open it in the same room where we started. Before I have the chance to fully pull the zip back, Cat A is out of there and stalking off in a huff.

Cat A: About TIME you wised up, Monkey. FOr future reference, I don't LIKE being manhandled like this. You will cease and desist.

Cat B (slower off the ground, looking around): Waitaminit. I know this place. Weren't we just here...? Hadn't I just been given that catnip...?

Both cats, prancing around kitchen counter: How about some TREATS! You've tortured us all morning and now we want our reward!


Current situation: It's warm outside, so our sliding door to the deck is open. Cat A is stretched out in the sunglight with her snout to the screen. Cat B has just come to me and mrrrrowed to be fussed with. They've already put it out of their minds.

Me, I'm exhausted...

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